Archive for the Love and Relationships Category

If You Don’t Have It, You Need to Just Go Ahead And Get This!!

Posted in Love and Relationships with tags , , , on March 31, 2009 by Noli


Even if you have a man, you need this book.  Even if you think everything is perfect with your man, you need this book…even if just for entertainment because Steve is CRAZY!  Honestly, he serves up old school rules in a different way…and we need to hear it because we have been ignoring what our Mama’s and Grandmama’s have been saying.  We gotta stop settling for men that don’t really want us or want to use us and wait for the man that will love us unconditionally and treat us with respect.  In order to be able to discern between them, you need Steve’s book!  Let me know what you think about it….


The Four Mistakes Black Superwomen Make?!

Posted in Love and Relationships, Spirituality with tags , , , , , , on October 19, 2008 by Noli

Pastor Patrick Shaffer from Chicago’s City of Faith Christian Church is featured in the October/November 2008 issue of Being Single Magazine.  He’s a bit of an anomaly because he doesn’t preach abstinence only…he says that his congregation includes a lot of single women and that’s just not realistic with the amount of HIV/AIDs issues in the Black community.  Finally someone that is acknowleding what’s REALLY going on out here!  Regarding relationships, he says that there are four mistakes that most Black women make:

1.  We think that getting a man is the answer to all of our problems.

2.  We give up too much too soon (from sex…to money…to the key to our heart).

3.  We get involved with men that are not equally yoked and try to change them. (I’ve done this numerous times!)

4.  We have low self esteem and don’t see our own value, which leads to poor choices and relationship issues.

AMEN.  This brother knows what’s up.  I think that these are all things we have heard before, but hearing them coming from a pastor (and a young one at that) feels a little different.  I’d like to spend a Sunday morning at his church!  Check out Pastor Patrick’s blog at  []

Beyonce Talks About Marriage to Jay Z for the First Time!

Posted in Entertainment, Fashion and Beauty, Love and Relationships, Music with tags , , , on October 19, 2008 by Noli

Beyonce is featured in the November 2008 issue of Essence that just hit newstands.  For the first time, she supposedly talks about her marriage to Jay Z and how real their relationship is.  I’m trying to figure out why she took so long to talk about it…we all knew they got married a while ago!  Definitely pick up Essence this month so you can get the scoop!

CNN’s “Black in America”…Can I Get Some Context?

Posted in Community, Entertainment, Love and Relationships, Politics, Race and Culture with tags , , , , , , , on July 24, 2008 by Noli

Last night after I watched the doc, I thought it was pretty good.  This morning when I awoke , I didn’t feel the same.  I mean, it was great to see the stories of Black folks, and I know that 2 hours is not that much time, and I also know that it was made for CNN’s White viewership.  I appreciated the stories, but decided that if I were a part of the demographic, let’s say a White conservative, I probably wouldn’t have received it well.  They didn’t provide context for the “situations” that Black folks are in, and I think it was necessary.

Ex. #1:  Black Family reunion with White family members; White Great Great Grandfather had 2 families, one with White wife and other with Black Mistress who was not a slave (which they stated clearly).  White Conservatives see: their Black Great Great Grandmother was a “ho”.  Reality when put in context:  I don’t care whether she had slave papers or not, because of the power dynamic in the 1800’s, that Black woman was being raped by that man.  Remember, women didn’t even have basic rights then, and this was a Black woman.  A one sentence mention of this power dynamic would have helped to frame this properly. 

Ex #2:  The Black high school drop out rate is much higher than that of White students.  White Conservatives see:  Black people are dumb and just can’t make the cut.  Reality when put in context:  They mentioned substandard schools, but didn’t address that even at top high schools the drop out rate for Blacks is higher.  The issue is that racism is still prevalent in schools, and Black kids are automatically pegged as being dumb, so they are not encouraged and they are not expected to achieve.  Could we have gotten some voiceovers giving us some possible explanations of why the rate is so high?

Ex #3:  Black women choose to date only Black men and because of that most are single and will never get married.  White Conservatives see:  Black women are racist and don’t want to date outside their race to their own detriment (trust me, White people throw around this “reverse racism” like candy).  Reality when put in context:  We definitely can be more open, but they didn’t mention that out of everyone, Black women and Asian men have been determined in multiple studies to be the least desirable by other races for relationships.  That means our choices are not limited solely by us.

Again, I appreciate the documentary, but I think that providing context for the specific issues of Black Americans even if brief would have served the documentary and its audience well. I’m sure that the conservative bloggers are buzzing this morning saying everything negative that they can about Black America and using this documentary as ammunition.

Tyra Asks, “Where Are All the Good Black Men?”

Posted in Entertainment, Love and Relationships, Race and Culture with tags , , , , , , , , on June 1, 2008 by Noli

I LOVE the Tyra Show!!! And since I’m no longer in my 20’s, I am constantly getting flack from my girlfriends about tivo’ing it daily.  What they don’t know is that the Tyra Show may be for young girls, but Tyra covers issues that are important to grown *ss Black women, too!  A few months ago, she did a show entitled “Black Women:  State of the Union”.  You mean SOMEONE cares enough to talk about what’s going on with us?  That’s what I’m talking about!

When I got back from Germany, I went straight to the tivo to check Tyra and she had a show on May 23rd entitled “Where are all the good Black men?”!!!!  I was SICED!  The coverage of the topic was broad and the analysis was not that deep since the targeted audience is 18-24.  The guests were of course extremists, with a Black man that said what is wrong with Black women is that they are not white; a Black woman that said all Black men are liars, cheaters, have too many kids out of wedlock and don’t take care of their responsibilities, and a White man that loves Black women and said Black men can’t deal with our strength.  All were ridiculous, but the audience and her panel of good Black men, including Finesse Mitchell, broke it down.  The main answer to the big question is that they exist, but we can’t identify them and are looking at the wrong men.  One guy in the audience said you can’t say you will only date Tupac with a Harvard education because you will be limiting yourself.  Sounds pretty accurate to me (though I do know some Ivy Leaguers that would fit the bill…they are seriously few and far between). 

Looking for the good Black men?  They’re out here…just be open to finding them in different packages.  *I hope that doesn’t sound like I’m saying settle…UGH!     

Shot gun?

Posted in Entertainment, Love and Relationships, Music with tags , , , , , , , on April 10, 2008 by Noli

So, Beyonce and Jay Z supposedly got married last Friday in Jay Z’s New York City penthouse apartment!  In an apartment?  This must have been last minute, and it appears to be a possible shot gun wedding!  I hear B has a 4 million dollar ring on her finger, and may possibly be trying to hide a baby bump.  Is lil’ Jay B already on the way?!!

Either way, you know we love BLACK LOVE! 

Men of ALL Races Subconciously Prefer Lighter Women?!!

Posted in Love and Relationships, Race and Culture with tags , , , , , on March 20, 2008 by Noli

Thandie Newton

Supposedly, a study done at the University of Toronto showed that men of all races subconsciously preferred lighter women, and women of all races preferred darker men.  They determined that aesthetic preferences reflected moral preferences…because men equated lighter skinned women with innocence and purity, and women equated darker skinned men with virility and mystery.   Not sure if this is true or not, but it’s not good for BSW’s, cuz we’re no longer the only options.  I’m thinking it’s best that we not think about this! [The Independent] [Telegraph